Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
