lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
its not stalking. its research.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
