also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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