after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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