she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
