i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
