Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
