yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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