she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have aggressive nipples.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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