Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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