Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
