Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
