there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
