He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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