He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
