I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
