I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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