Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
