I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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