Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
do nipples grow back?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
