he thought i was a dude.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
