So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
