idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
