I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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