Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
