u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
