i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
