I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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