When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
