It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize