I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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