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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.

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• (914): View more from New York

  Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.

  (1-914): View more from New York

  You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.

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• (607): View more from New York

  I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now

  (315): View more from New York

  I see you're taking unemployment seriously.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.

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• (714): View more from California

  Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Drunk is a universal language darling

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