I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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