do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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