This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
