Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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