There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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