Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
