...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
