Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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