OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
