I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
