Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
