I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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