hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
