so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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