I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
