I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
