I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
