Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
