I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
