I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
operation harelip BJ is a go
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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