so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
