Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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