Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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