Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
