as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
