I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Shame is for Republicans.
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