Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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