this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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