i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize