Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well you can't waste a boner
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
