So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
