Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
