his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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