Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
